


we're not bruised (they're just party tattoos)

by borrowedthemoonlite (orphan_account)



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: College AU, F/M, Future AU, Jealousy, Long Distance Relationship, Long Term Relationship, Skype calls, can you tell i'm not good at tags??, don't worry endgame bade, skype au, this is my first work on here sorry, update from 2020: this isn't very good im sorry if anyone reads this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21617599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/borrowedthemoonlite
Summary: In which they try to keep it together from opposite sides of the country.(or: Jade moves to New York for college.  Beck stays in LA.  But they have to make it work right?  They couldn't let each other go after all the effort they went through in high school.)
Relationships: Beck Oliver/Jade West
Comments: 51
Kudos: 87





	1. freshman year, autumn

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first victorious fic and on ao3 in general so pls work with me if it's not great just yet? But yeah, Victorious being added to Netflix got me emotional as hell and this au wouldn't leave my head, and I really wanted to read a fic like this. But one didn't exist that I know of, so I decided to write it myself.
> 
> Title taken from Party Tattoos by Dodie

Jade stared at her laptop impatiently. It had been 10 minutes since Beck had texted her to tell her that he would be calling. 10 minutes. Why would he tell her he would be calling if he was busy? After all, she had things to do too. 

Maybe she missed the call? Jade knew that wasn’t true. She had been sitting at her desk in front of her laptop as soon as he had texted. She was sure the annoyance was apparent on her face. Jade had always been an open book for the most part. Maybe she should text him again? But this had been his idea in the first place, not her’s. And she refused to call first. She would rather die than be seen as the clingy one.

But soon enough, her laptop began chiming. Finally. She scrambled to pick up the call, running a hand through her hair and schooling her face back into an expression of indifference.

“Hello?” she said as the call began connecting.

“Hey! Can you see me?” Beck asked, grinning into his camera.

“You’re fine,” she replied, “You know… When you told me that you would call me 15 minutes ago, I thought you meant that you’d be calling then.”

He sighed, “I know, I’m sorry. I was helping the people across the hall move in some of their boxes. I tried texting you but the service here kinda sucks right now.”

She let a small smile spread across her face. He hadn’t been ignoring her then.

“Beck, I was kidding.” She scoffed lightly. She wasn’t, but he didn’t need to know that. “Anyways, how was move in day?”

“It’s been okay so far. Andre and I are gonna go walk around later to get a better feel of the place. How was your first week?” He asked.

“Not too bad. I don’t get to see Cat that much but we have plans in a little bit. My classes are pretty easy right now.” She answered. “But I know I’ll be kicking myself for saying that in like two months.”

He laughs softly and she’s pretty sure her heart stops for a second. “You know, I really, really miss you.” He tells her.

A small blush spreads across her cheeks and she feels her neck getting warm. “I miss you too, you dork.” She replies, biting her lip.

“I can’t believe you’re all the way across the country.” Beck says, his voice a combination of sad and in awe. 

“Come on, we’ll be fine, you know that. We always make it work, Beck. Besides, you know New York is my dream. This is such an amazing opportunity for me and I’d be stupid to pass it up.” She tells him softly, “We’re both making the right choices for ourselves. And yeah, long distance sucks, but when this is all over, it’ll all have been worth it.”

He nods slightly, “I know, I know, it just sucks not to have you here all the time. But if we can get through this, we can get through anything. We just need to do this and then nothing’s holding us back from our dreams.”

They sit in comfortable silence for a few seconds before she speaks again and they’re back in conversation. They recall stories from the years before that they both know they've heard before, but that they retell anyways because repeating stories is somehow better than not talking at all. They both know it’s not the same as it would be if they were actually together, but it’s more than enough for them. After all, it’s still her, it’s still him, they’re still them. 

And it’s worth it.


	2. freshman year, spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not much to say but uhhh.. if you haven't been paying attention to the chapter titles I highly recommend doing that bc each chapter's a different year of college/point in the year and if you don't check you might get lost a little?? Idk fam, there's a bunch of time skips between chapters (probably should've made this a one-shot but oh well I already dug my grave here)

“Okay so go over the plans with me again?”

“Oh come on,” Jade said, smirking, “ We’ve been over them a billion times at this point, Beck.”

“I know, but I like hearing you talk.” He laughed as she rolled her eyes.

“You’re ridiculous.” She replied, sighing, “But fine, I’ll go over them again but only one more time— and then I have to go for real.”

Having taken her last exam only three days prior, Jade had finally begun packing for the summer. Sure, she had been home for Christmas, and Beck had visited during spring break, but those were nothing compared to summer break. This time she’d be back for two and a half months. This time they wouldn’t be rushing to get everything done before the other inevitably had to leave sooner than they had hoped.

“Right, so, Cat and I should get back on May 30th, our flight lands at 3. You already promised that you’d pick us up from the airport so you better not forget.” She emphasized the last part, knowing Beck’s tendencies to forget.

“You have no faith in me at all.” He scoffed, but he knew why it beared repeating. 

“Can you blame me though?” She asked dryly. “Anyways, where was I? Right— Cat and I get back the 30th, flight lands at 3 pm. Andre’s going to be in Seattle for a couple of days so we don’t get to see him until the 2nd, but you knew that already, but that’s fine because Robbie won’t be back either. Don’t forget we also promised to meet Robbie at the airport too. His flight lands on the 4th around 8 am, so we can get there around 8:15-ish.”

Beck groaned, letting his head fall onto his desk, “Eight in the morning? I love Robbie but I really don’t want to have to wake up earlier than 9.”

“I hate it too, but we promised him. Besides, after he drops all his crap back at his house we have to go do that stupid thing Tori wants to do at Karaoke Dokie.”

“Hey come on, I’m sure it won’t be that bad, Jade.” Despite Jade and Tori forcing themselves to get over their differences and forget about their pseudo-rivalry by senior year of high school, Jade still found the other girl overbearing at times. She’d been trying not to let anger overcome her recently, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t annoyed with the other girl at times.

“I know, but after finals, at least six hours of travelling, and having to unpack all my stuff, I’m going to be super tired for a while and I honestly don’t know if I’ll be in the mood to socialize by then.” She said, remembering how tired she had been after the last flight to LA and back.

“Well if that happens we’ll just skip. We’ll come up with an excuse and say that I’m not feeling well, or something.” He replied lightly.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to make you miss out on hanging out with everyone just because I’m tired or whatever. I don’t want to make you feel like I’m trying to control you.” She admitted. Jade knew that her possessiveness had been one of the leading reasons of their last break up, and while she would never change herself for anyone, she knew that it wouldn’t hurt if she could compromise with him once in a while.

“Jade, it’s fine, trust me.” He said, shooting her a comforting smile, “If you’re not in the mood when the day comes, we can ditch after picking Robbie up.” 

Neither of them were addressing the changes they had been making. They both knew that the other was putting in more effort to make their relationship work. College and long distance could put a lot of stress on relationships and they didn’t want to let something so trivial undo everything they had been through together. From the beginning nobody had expected them to last long, but in all honesty that had just pushed them to want to work out even more. In their silent vow of self-betterment, Jade was trying to be less controlling and possessive, and Beck had stopped pushing Jade’s boundaries. He knew it was unfair to make her upset over trivial things and that if he wanted this to work he would have to start dealing with things maturely rather than working her up only for it to be nothing.

“Thank you,” she said softly, letting herself smile slightly. “I’ll try my best to go because I know how much having us all there means to everyone.”

It was in the soft silences during these calls that they found confidence in their relationship. The mutual understanding of each other’s further attempts at bettering themselves, individually and as a couple, despite never being spoken or acknowledged, gave them hope for the next three years to come. As they got older they began to recognize that relationships take work, that if they wanted to stay in each other’s lives they would need to start putting in the effort. They were no longer in high school and couldn’t treat their relationship the way they would back then. Neither of them would ever give up who they were, but they also knew that their relationship needed compromising from them both.

“Okay, I actually have to go now. For real this time.” Jade said remorsefully, “Cat and I agreed to help each other pack up our stuff and I promised I’d be at her’s in two minutes.”  
  
“Alright, if you have to go, then you have to.” He said sighing, “Can’t wait to see you in a few days. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

* * *

How Cat had accumulated as much junk as she had over the course of the school year was beyond Jade. Although she had a sneaking suspicion that the SkyStore magazines she had seen Cat flipping through on their flights to LA for the holidays were to blame. Robbie had stopped by earlier to help as well but they had quickly sent him out with money to buy Cat a new suitcase as she quickly realized she had no more room for her recent purchases.

“Are you excited to go back home?” Cat asked, shoving a pile of papers from her desk into a recycling bin, “More importantly, are you excited to see Beck?” She added with a wink and a look.

“Um, yeah I guess it’ll be nice to have more than like two weeks to catch up in person? Don’t get me wrong, I love that Beck came to see the show over spring break, and I missed him so much. But spring break isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things and it felt like we barely got to see each other.”

Over spring break, Jade had landed a workshop for a new musical that would hopefully be heading to Broadway. As with most workshops it was invited audience only, so it had meant a lot that Beck had flown out to see her along with Cat and Robbie. But because she had been so busy with the development and rehearsals, it felt like she had seen the rehearsal space more than she had seen him.

“Well I’m excited to see everybody again.” Cat replied, “It’s cool that we’re not all totally alone out here but it’s not the same as when we would all hang out.”  
  
By sheer luck the group had been split perfectly in half between Los Angeles and New York. Jade, Cat, and Robbie had found themselves in New York and had already submitted their housing applications to get an apartment together for the next year rather than dorming once again. Beck, Andre, and Tori however had chosen to stay in LA, Tori however had opted out of dorming and commuted from home, while Beck and Andre dormed only a few doors away from each other. 

Jade found it unbelievable that when they were expected to go separate ways, the six of them had only managed to break off into three and three. But she was confident in all of them and knew they made the right decision. For Tori and Andre, LA provided them a better chance of getting a leg up in the music industry. And Beck would have been a fool to leave Los Angeles when he wanted to be a film actor. Cat’s love for special effects and costume design could have kept her in LA or brought her to New York, but seeing as she had always leaned towards costume design more, New York was the right decision. Jade and Robbie never had a doubt in their minds about New York, Jade knew she wanted to be a stage actress from the beginning and Robbie knew he wanted to be a stage producer, so when New York had presented itself to them, they couldn’t have turned down the offer. 

As much as she missed everyone back home, she could never give up on her dream and would take as many resources that the universe threw her way— And she couldn’t ask Beck or any of the others to give up their dreams, so if this would bring them closer to achieving their goals, distance was only a small obstacle. Jade was never one to get her hopes up, and she was certainly never seen as a dreamer by anyone, but a small corner of her mind couldn’t believe how well things were going. As their first year came to a close she felt a sense of pride in how she had managed to hold on and get through it, sure there were times where she was only barely passing, but nevertheless she had finished freshman year of college. And if she could do this, surely another three years would be nothing.

She thought back to two years ago, back at Hollywood Arts, where she had been worried out of her mind about her father seeing the play she had written. At the moment she had been so scared, so worried that she wouldn’t be ‘good enough’, that her father had been right and that her dreams were actually stupid. But now it seemed like nothing. She had done so much more than she had even thought she would go and while yes, she knew people believed her to be too proud and full of herself, but could they blame her?

Thankfully, Robbie had soon reappeared with Cat’s new suitcase and they could finish packing up the last of Cat’s things. And yes, maybe they shouldn’t have put off packing until the night before they had to leave, but it was too late for that.

“Cat, why the hell do you need any of this? And, Jade, WHY would you let her get hooked on SkyStore again?” Robbie asked, when they’d finally finished with the last of Cat’s suitcases.

“But look at how fun everything is!” Cat said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“I take no responsibility for this.” Jade deadpanned, “I truly had no fucking idea that she even _had_ half of this crap until today.”

“Cat, we talked about this before. You do _not_ need everything that you see in a catalog, it’s unhealthy.” Robbie said struggling to lift the last of the luggage onto the pile they’d made.

Before Cat began defending herself, inevitably starting an argument between, Jade broke in, “I truly _could not_ care less about this right now, it’s 9 pm and we still have to pack _my_ shit up, and we _do not_ have the time to argue about damn SkyStore magazines. Can we _please_ just get to my room and get this over with?”

Packing often made Jade wonder if it was even worth travelling, due to her poor time management and her underestimating how much time it would actually take to pack. But the thought of being back home tomorrow and being reunited with the rest of their friends, being reunited with Beck, made it worth it to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick chapter for you guys bc i'm gonna be hella busy this week w some school work. not too happy w the way i ended this one but i rlly wanted to get something out. okay bye thanks for reading, leave kudos if ya wanna


	3. sophomore year, winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer to get uploaded, sorry about that, but I decided to take some time to develop it a little more, I hope you can tell from the way this turned out!

“Oh my god, Beck, you’re being ridiculous right now!” 

“Am I, Jade? Because you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with him recently.”

Throwing her hands up in exhaustion, she turned to face her screen again in disbelief. “Robbie is a  _ friend _ , Beck you  _ know  _ that! He was literally your friend first. We’ve known hin forever. You of all people should know that! There’s absolutely  _ no way  _ you’re mad at me right now!”

“He might be my friend but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have other motives!” He exclaimed, crossing his arms.

“I can’t believe you right now. You’re really upset with me over this? You know there’s nothing going on between us.”

“Well if I’m being honest, it doesn’t really feel like that.” He avoids looking at her as he says this and she feels her stomach drop.

“And  _ I’m  _ supposed to be the jealous one in the relationship?” She scoffed, incredulously. “I was fine barely tolerating him.  _ You  _ were the one who told me to be nicer to him! But  _ no _ , the second I actually  _ want  _ to be friends with the guy there  _ has  _ to be something going on! This has never been an issue before, I don’t know why it is now! We go to the same school, Beck, of course I’m going to hang out with him.” 

“Yeah right, because I’m sure he’s so interested in ‘just hanging out’, Jade you’ve got to be kidding yourself.” She feels her jaw drop open in incredulity,  _ what on Earth had gotten into him?  _

“Oh, come on! Beck, you  _ know _ he has a thing for Cat.”   
  
“And  _ you  _ know that sometimes things can change. Just because he had a thing for Cat doesn’t mean he still does. And just because he didn’t use to have a thing for you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t now.” He gave her a pointed look through the screen.

“This is  _ insane _ . There’s  _ nothing going on _ . We’re just friends! Beck, we’re working on a show together. He’s student director. I’m acting in it. I was going to have to interact with him at some point! God forbid I hang out with one of my friends!” She said through gritted teeth, growing tired of the argument.

“All I’m saying is that I don’t think he means as well as you pretend he does.”

“You’re one to talk.” She scoffed.   
  
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” He challenged, straightening up in his chair.

“Well, I just find it funny that you’re upset about me hanging out with Robbie, but I haven’t said a single word about Tori dragging you to a different party every night.” It was a low blow and she knew it. She had no actual objection towards Beck and Tori going to parties, but since he had apparently decided to start acting childish, she would do exactly the same.

“Jade, I know that you’re smarter than that. My friendship with Tori is different and you know it.” He groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Literally how?!” She exploded, burying her head in her hands in frustration.

“Tori isn’t interested me!”   
  
“Yeah we know, we already saw her reject you that time you tried to kiss her.” Her eyes widened slightly once she registered what she had just said. She regretted her words almost instantly after they had left her mouth. 

But regret wasn’t enough to mask the venom that had laced her words and the forceful way she had said them. She knew she sounded bitter, but who could blame her? There was no taking back what she had said, she knew he had heard her loud and clear. The two of them had never broached the situation before, nor had she brought it up in fear of where the conversation might lead.

Beck visibly panicked and the color quickly left his face. A tense silence hanging between the two of them. “How do you- Who told- I mean- You know about that?” He fumbled, eyes wide, his jaw hanging slightly. There was no escaping it anymore. 

She had crossed the line that she had so carefully drawn for herself.

Jade knew she had fucked up. She had been so quiet about the subject, never wanting either of them to know that she had found out. For years she had been so good at keeping her knowledge of it a secret, carefully tiptoeing her way around it, as if it’d erase itself from her mind if she just pretended that she didn’t know. And after years of walking on eggshells, she had dropped the bomb, right in the middle of battle, and right when it was the most inconvenient.

“Yeah. I do.” She dropped her voice to keep any semblance of calm and let out a sigh she hadn’t known she had been holding. Crossing her arms, she leaned back in her chair. “Turns out that neither of you thought to hang up your little video chat with Cat that night. Oh but don’t worry,” she added dryly, “your reputation’s safe. I never told anyone.” She hadn’t known how bitter she had actually been until now.   
  
“But you never said anything.”   
  
“I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t your girlfriend at that time. And technically nothing happened, what was there for me to be mad at? Besides, I knew that if I brought it up, I’d look like a jealous ex-girlfriend and I wasn’t going to let that happen. Not again. As far as I cared, you were at perfect liberty to kiss whoever you wanted to kiss.”

“Jade it was nothing, I promise.” He was rambling and could barely look at her now, “I would’ve told you but we were broken up and it would’ve felt weird telling you after weeks of not talking, and then we got back together but I didn’t want to fuck things up because we had just gotten over everything, and I guess it had just somehow slipped my mind. I’m so sorry, I promise there’s nothing happening now.”   
  
“It’s whatever. It happened ages ago and I actually trust you.” She said indignantly. It definitely wasn’t whatever, and she had actually wanted to talk about it for a while, but she didn’t feel like adding another fight to the already prolonged argument. “And unlike you, I have enough faith in you and our relationship to trust that you won’t cheat on me.” She added tensely, taking deep breaths, willing her heart to slow down from its pounding in her chest.

“Jade, that’s not what I meant…” He said softly, still avoiding her eyes. But he clearly didn’t want to push the argument further either.

“Then what was the point of this entire fight? You were so upset about my friendship with Robbie that you literally started a screaming match with me over it. But the second I bring up your grievances, you want to drop the entire thing.”   
  
“I wasn’t trying to accuse you of anything or whatever, I’m just warning you. I just don’t like that you’re that far away and that I don’t know what’s going on half the time.”

“I just don’t understand why it’s not enough that I love you. Even if he was interested in me, it wouldn’t matter because I love you. His feelings shouldn’t matter because this relationship is between you and me. How Robbie is feeling has nothing to do with us. I love you, shouldn’t that be enough?”   
  
“It’s not that simple, Jade, I honestly don’t know how to explain it to you any more than I already have.” He sighed exasperated. 

She frowned at how upset he sounded. After all, this had all been his fault,  _ she  _ hadn’t asked him to pick a fight with her. And if anyone should be tired, it should be her. No one had told him to air out his jealousies on what was just meant to be their daily Skype catch up call. What had he expected her to do? Agree with him and move on? Since when had she ever gone down without a fight? And in her opinion, it was a dumb thing to be upset about in the first place.

“Yeah, alright whatever.” She said, too tired to keep fighting, “I gotta go to rehearsals anyways. See ya soon.” She disconnected the call before he could respond, before the tears she hadn’t even realized had formed caught up to her.

* * *

“I thought Beck was the calm one?” Rebecca asked.

With rehearsals in full swing, backstage had fallen into a comfortable rhythm. Jade had met Rebecca at auditions, both of them getting cast in characters who were on and off stage around the same time, allowing the two of them to quickly become friends. Rehearsal, however, was temporarily on hold while Cat and the other members of the costume department were taking the actors’ measurements. Cat was currently measuring Jade, Rebecca hovering close by, waiting for her’s to be taken as well.

“Well yeah, he’s  _ supposed  _ to be, I don’t know what’s up with the sudden change.” Jade shrugged, frustrated. She was grateful for costume measuring as it gave her the time to vent to her friends. 

“We were fine all summer,” she continued, “but ever since this school year started, and Robbie and I started hanging out, he’s been off.”

“Wait but you don’t actually like Robbie right?” Cat asked with a sad look on her face, looking up nervously from her tape measure and clipboard.

“No, of course not, Cat.” Jade said reassuringly, “I promise you I’m not trying to date Robbie or whatever Beck thinks might happen… Robbie’s just a friend and I have absolutely no interest in him. Beck’s just being weird right now.” This seemed to noticeably perk Cat’s attitude back up, as a smile returned to her face once again. 

Jade hated bringing their friends into their arguments, although Beck had somehow always got them involved. That had never made sense to Jade seeing as they both knew they were having pointless arguments. But this most recent dispute had come out of nowhere and left Jade feeling lost. Having a hard time maintaining her emotions by the time she had arrived for costume measuring, she saw no other solution than to tell her friends.

“And you’re sure he didn’t seem mad the last time you saw him in person? If he was fine when it was all of you hanging out with Robbie, he shouldn’t have any reason to be jealous now.” Rebecca responded, a confused look on her face.

“Yes, I’m absolutely sure. He was completely fine this summer, I’m telling you. Look, you can even ask Cat. I had no idea he felt that way… Even when we were just texting he seemed completely fine. He even told me to say hi to Robbie, I don’t get what’s up with the sudden one-eighty.”

“Maybe he was just pretending to be fine.” Cat suggested.

“Or maybe he didn’t know he was jealous until super recently.” Rebecca shrugged.

“I dunno, but it honestly wasn’t worth it. We didn’t even solve anything and he  _ still  _ won’t tell me what’s wrong. He keeps saying that nothing’s wrong but clearly there is otherwise he wouldn’t have picked that fight with me.” She conveniently left out the part about Tori though, knowing that Beck probably wouldn’t want her to tell anyone. And if she was being honest, she didn’t really need Cat to know. If Cat knew, she’d definitely tell Robbie, then Andre would find out too, and it would eventually make its way back to Tori. And Jade definitely didn’t need Tori constantly texting and calling her, wanting ‘to talk’, she wasn’t going to talk about this with  _ Tori  _ before she talked about it with him.

“I don’t get it,” Cat said, wrapping the tape measure around Jade’s waist, “I thought you and Beck were doing fine. You said things were different this time. What happened?” Jade had been asking herself the same thing, but somehow it was more upsetting coming from Cat.   
  
“I don’t know, Cat, I really don’t.” Jade sighed, exasperated, “We never actually  _ talked  _ about making changes, but after the last break up, we knew things would be different. We knew that things needed to change big time. Or at least I  _ thought _ we both knew that.”   
  
“Well if you didn’t say anything to him about it, how do you know that things were changing?” Rebecca asked her pointedly.

“Well it was more like- Ugh, I don’t even know how to say this. Technically, yes, we never ‘ _ actually talked about making changes _ ’ but still.” Jade grumbled, “If you had known us before college you would know how much we actually changed. We  _ both  _ knew that we needed to stop getting jealous over everything and that we needed to respect each other  _ way  _ more. Neither of us were perfect and I  _ thought _ we were actually making progress!”

“Then maybe what you need to do now is actually talk to him about what needs to change. For real this time. Don’t just assume he’s going to be on the same page as you, that’ll never work. Tell him what needs to happen, that way you’ll both be held accountable for your actions.” Rebecca insisted, crossing her arms, “That way you can tell each other ‘I thought we agreed that we would work on this.’ Don’t get me twisted, I’m glad that you’re both trying to make changes or whatever, but talking about it this time around might actually help make actual progress.”

Jade hated to admit it, but she was right.

“Beck wouldn’t even tell me why he was so upset earlier. I don’t know how I’d even bring that up. Honestly, neither of us are that good at communicating.” She admitted, embarrassed.

“Then you better  _ start  _ getting good at it.” Rebecca told her firmly, as if that was final.

How would Jade even start that conversation? It wasn’t as if she could just call him and say  _ ‘Hey, Beck, how’re you doing? Cool. Anyways! How would you like to talk about how we’re unintentionally screwing our relationship over, and by not talking about our issues we’re erasing any progress that we’re attempting to make.’  _ If she was being honest, Beck probably wouldn’t be open to that conversation, no matter how she framed it. Although, she supposed if they talked, she’d actually get to address that. But she could see it now, she’d bring it up and he’d brush it off, telling her that he didn’t want to fight again so if she could please drop it.

She was truly in for it now. This was going to be a hard fix, but she’d get there eventually.


	4. sophomore year, spring

“Are you kidding? When were you going to tell me this? Were you just never going to tell me?” Jade shot a sharp look at Beck through her screen.

“Jade, we agreed that we weren’t going to let our relationship keep us from reaching our goals. Wasn’t that why we ended up in different states?” He tried reasoning with her.

“I’m not even mad that you got the job, under  _ any _ other circumstances I would be happy for you! You wanna know what I  _ do  _ have an issue with though?” She crossed her arms, laughing bitterly, “The fact that you didn’t tell me you were auditioning for this movie, then didn’t tell me that you  _ got _ the role, and  _ then  _ you let me find out from  _ Tori’s  _ fucking  _ Slap page _ , meaning you told her but not me. And the worst part? You  _ knew _ when you auditioned  _ and  _ when you landed the job that it meant you’d be away for the entire summer. You also knew that I had my tickets to fly home so we could spend time together. And not  _ once  _ did you think ‘Oh hey, maybe I should let my girlfriend know that there’s a possibility that we won’t see each other at all this summer!’”

Throwing his hands in the air, he sighed loudly, “I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t think I’d get it! I had a small chance of actually getting it and didn’t want to mention it until I knew for sure what would end up happening.”   
  
Was he seriously making excuses right now? Jade couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She had always known Beck was bad at making excuses, but she didn’t think he was deluded enough to keep defending himself when he was clearly in the wrong.

“Even if that was true, you didn’t even say anything when you  _ did _ find out! You knew I was flying out to see you, a little warning that you’d be in Texas all summer would’ve been nice! Besides, you told  _ Tori _ , so clearly you didn’t have an issue telling people, apparently you just didn’t want to tell me!”

It wasn’t that Jade wasn’t happy for Beck. In fact, she would’ve been quite excited had she not found out the way she did. She knew that communication was going to be harder as they were across the country, but she honestly didn’t think she had been asking for too much. Surely it made sense to tell your girlfriend when you were auditioning for a huge movie that would lead to endless possibilities. 

Not only had he not told her that he was auditioning, he had also not told her he had booked it at all. Who wouldn’t tell their girlfriend, who was flying across the country to see them, that their new job meant filming out of state for the entire summer, and by consequence mean that said girlfriend would not get to see her boyfriend? 

And more importantly, who would let their girlfriend find out about their new job from another friend’s social media account?

“You’re right. I should have told you, but what can I do now?” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. The least he could do was say sorry.

Rubbing a hand over her face, exhausted, she softly said, “What are we even doing Beck? Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?”   
  
His face switches into a mix of confusion and panic, “No, babe, what are you saying? We’re fine.”   
  
“Are we though, Beck? At this point we’re just fighting all the time.”   
  
“Yeah, but that’s our thing.” He says, trying to convince her while sounding unsure at the same time. “We bicker, it’s what we do, you know that.”

“This isn’t bickering anymore. Bickering is you telling me to be nicer while I tell you to shut up. Now we’re just fighting over actual problems and it’s making us both  _ miserable. _ ”

“What are you trying to say here?”   
  
“Beck. I love you, I really do. But, I think we need to break up. For real this time. We can’t keep doing this to ourselves, it’s not fair to either of us.”

A thick silence hung in the air, as her words sunk in.

“We promised each other we would hold on until graduation. That if we could get through college we could get through everything else. Jade we were halfway there, are you really going to give up on us like this? After we went through all that work?”   
  
“That’s the thing though. We did all that and we’re still having issues? That can’t be right.”   
  
“So this is really it then?” He softly asked her, disbelievingly. 

She couldn’t look at him, she knew that if she did, the tears that had been pricking her eyes would be shed. She didn’t even have to see him to know there were tears in his eyes. She could hear his voice shaking with every word he said. 

“I’m so sorry, Beck, but neither of us are happy with the way this is working out.” She softly forced out.

“Jade, please…” He pleaded, but he knew it was a lost cause.

“I’m so, so proud of you and I know you’re going to be amazing in your movie. No matter what, I love you and will support you through everything, this just isn’t working for us anymore.”

“Jade-”

She hung up before he had the chance to finish.

* * *

“Do you think you’ll get back together?” Cat asked her later, while they were sat on the couch in awkward silence.

“I don’t know. I really don’t.” She responded, staring blankly at the floor.

“What even happened?” Robbie said, Jade was grateful for her friends’ presence but the questions were getting to be too much.

Despite how annoyed she was with the endless questions, she quickly summarized what had happened not even an hour ago, forcing her to relive what currently felt like the end of the world. “I don’t even know why I did it,” She admitted remorsefully, “But I don’t regret it. I think the combination of his jealousy over literally nothing, the constant arguing, and him not telling me about the movie just got to be too much. I couldn’t stand it, and we both seemed miserable at this point. We had a good run though, I think.”

“He was jealous of me?” Robbie shot her a confused look.

“Yeah, I know, I don’t get it either. I think he was just insecure because we barely saw each other, then I started hanging out with you more and I guess he jumped to conclusions. I tried to tell him we were just friends, but I know more than anyone that when you’re insecure, nothing can really talk you out of your own assumptions.” She said, ducking her head.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t sad, but for whatever reason, her brain was refusing to let her cry. She could’ve used a good cry right about now though. But seeing as her brain was set on keeping her eyes dry, she figured letting it all out on her friends would make it slightly better.

“Do you miss him?” Cat lightly shoved a tub of ice cream into her arms.

“You know what? Not right now, no. I think I’m still a little mad. But I know I will eventually. I always do.” 

“So this is really it then?” Robbie asked, the question seemed wrong coming out of his mouth. It felt like a slap in the face. What gave him the authority to comment on the finality of it?

“What does it matter?” She snapped suddenly, “It’s over right now, it doesn’t matter what happens later. How would I even know that?” She knew she was being irrational, he had only asked an innocent question.

She still couldn’t look at her two friends, sitting across from her. It was her and Beck’s break up but somehow she still felt like she was disappointing the group. There she went again, breaking up with Beck, not realizing how ‘good she had it’. For the most part, she enjoyed being with her friends. But she knew that whenever she and Beck had broken up, it was different. She was pretty sure that if forced to choose, they’d pick Beck over her in a heartbeat. Every time they’d broken up it had felt like she had let them down. That it was  _ her _ fault for being a shitty girlfriend. 

This was dumb, she knew it. Their breakup had absolutely nothing to do with their friends. Their romantic life had always been kept separate. They made sure of that. But whenever it happened there had always been a weird air about the room.

For once she was grateful for the separation. That even though they broke up, they both still had friends around to help them through it. Although, Andre would probably be way better help than Cat if she was being honest.

“So what are you going to do in LA this summer then?” Robbie asked her, “If Beck’s going to be in Texas and now that you’re broken up?”   
  
Jade fixed a weird look at him, “Just because Beck won’t be there doesn’t mean I won’t hang out with the rest of you guys. You guys are my friends too.” He looked embarrassed when she said this and she was glad he felt even a little bad for questioning her friendship with them. 

She was desperate to change the subject from her once-again failed attempt at a relationship. She knew that none of their friends would turn on her because of this. They’d broken up before, surely their friends were used to it by now. So why did it feel like she’d turned on them instead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one leaves off pretty open ended with Jade feeling guilty abt the break up and everything and I know that not everyone's a big fan of vague endings so sorry i guess? Not to fear though, we have 4-5 more chapters to go (I have two endings in mind so the amt of chapters depends on which I go with). I also came up w a pretty cool story concept last week and I've been drafting it out, which is why it took a while for this one to go up but my new story's already wayyy better than this one so I'm gonna get this one out of the way and then put all my focus into the new one.


	5. junior year, autumn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woahhh what's this? a chapter from Beck's side of the story?? Unheard of.

He stares at his phone in disbelief. This had to be a hallucination, there was no way she was calling him right now. It was 2 am in New York and they hadn’t talked in months.

He blinked twice. He was definitely awake. This was definitely happening.

He cautiously reaches for the phone as if he’s afraid that everything might go away if he moves too fast. “Hello? Jade?” He asks, struggling to keep his voice steady.

“Beck! You picked up thank god!” She’s drunk, he doesn’t even have to be there to know.

He’d never had to deal with a drunk Jade before, but he knew her well enough that Drunk Jade didn’t feel like as much of a stranger as she should’ve.

“Jade, you’re drunk, what could you possibly be calling me for?” He responds, relaxing as he realizes that nothing’s gone wrong and that this was a drunk dial that she’d probably forget in the morning.

“We opened  _ Next To Normal _ tonight!” She said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “This is the first time I’ve been in a show that you haven’t come to opening! I’m offended you would just break tradition like that.”

He knew about  _ Next To Normal _ , of course he did. They still followed each other on social media and for weeks Jade, Cat, and Robbie had been promoting the show. He didn’t know much about the production, but he knew Jade was playing Natalie, and he vaguely remembered her saying back in high school that she’d like to play Natalie one day.

“I didn’t think you would want me to come.” He wanted to remind her that they had broken up, and that typically friends wouldn’t travel across the country over the weekend just for a show, but he decided against it. 

That didn’t mean he didn’t consider it though. He was so close to just buying tickets to New York for that very weekend, but it felt like it was crossing a line. None of their other friends were doing that, how would he look if he had? He’d discovered that the change from boyfriend to just friends was different this time. If he could even call them friends now, that is. As expected, they hadn’t seen each other over the summer at all, as he was filming in Texas, but they hadn’t even texted one another, let alone talked. If anything, they were barely friends, friends by association rather.

“Of course I would’ve wanted you to come,” She said, her voice softening from the aggressive tone she had been using earlier. He could practically see her furrowing her brow in confusion. “Beck, I thought we were friends?”

_ ‘Well technically, no. This is the first we’ve talked in over four months. We’re friends because we haven’t hung out with our group long enough to realize that it’s awkward again.’ _ he wanted to say. But he didn’t. He was sure she’d rip him apart if he did. So instead he said, “We  _ are _ friends, Jade. But I don’t see Tori or Andre flying out to see you either, and aren’t they your friends too?” It came out more accusing than he wanted it to, but he knew she wouldn’t call him out on it.   
  
“Well, yeah, I guess. But it’s different.” She replied, sounding a little hurt.

“Different how?” He asked challenging.

“Beck, you know it’s always been different between us. Friends or not, it’s always been different.” Her tone suggested finality, as if this was just a fact about them that he should obviously know. In a way it was, and in a way she was right.

“What do you mean?” He knew exactly what she meant. He just liked hearing it from her.

“Ugh, you know what I mean, you’re the worst.” She groaned lightly, “You know that you’ve always been my person, Beck. You just  _ got _ me from the start. It was nice having someone who understood me. So even though we’re a giant group of friends, you and me were different. It was like we knew each other more than the others did.”

A soft warmth spread through him before he caught himself, but the slight smile that came with it remained.

He must’ve been quiet for too long because she spoke again, “I dunno if that made sense, I’m  _ very  _ drunk right now. For all I know I could’ve just said some random shit that has absolutely no meaning.”   
  
“No, I know what you mean.” He said a little too quickly. “We shared a lot with each other, and we can’t erase that. I mean, I definitely told you way more than what the others know, and you told me almost everything while the others barely knew stuff about you. We can’t pretend like none of it ever happened.”

“Yeah, exactly.” She said contentedly, and he could practically see the soft smile on her face.

“Right, tell me about your show then.” He could’ve easily looked it up himself, but Jade had always been passionate about her roles and she would come alive every time she would talk about them.

“Okay, okay.” She was trying to keep her voice steady, but he could hear the underlying excitement, “So I’m playing Natalie and she’s this whole music prodigy. She’s 16 and she’s super desperate to get out of her town. And she’s been working super hard to get to graduate early and go to college so she can basically leave everything behind.” 

As she continued going on, he couldn’t help but feel like they were falling back into place. Their relationship had issues, granted, but the best parts were always the moments like this, when they were alone and it was like the rest of the world didn’t exist. Whenever they were left to talk to each other, it felt like nothing could get to them in that moment, as if they were the only people who actually mattered. Jade had always been interesting to listen to, she had a presence about her that commanded attention and captivated people instantly. Apparently, after years of knowing her, he hadn’t built an immunity to her yet. He couldn’t help but getting drawn in all over again.

“Yeah it’s definitely a super fun show and I’m really excited to-” She’s interrupted by a knock at the door. “What?” She shoots angrily at the person intruding.

“Jade? I brought you water and advil.” A deep voice says and for whatever reason, his stomach churns. He doesn’t know why it does, after all, they’re broken up now, he has no right to be upset.

“Oh. Yeah, thanks.” She responds flatly.

“Are you okay?” The mystery voice asks, “I’m coming in, you gotta get to sleep if you want to be fine tomorrow.”

Even though their conversation was interrupted, he somehow feels like he’s the intruder here. That he’s walked in on a moment that he shouldn’t have. There’s something so domestic about it that makes him weirdly jealous. It’s unfair for him to feel that way, he knows this, but old habits die hard he supposes.

“Yeah, no I’m just- Give me two seconds!” She blurts out. 

“I think I’m gonna go now,” He tells her.

“Wait no, Beck- It’s just Ryder- We’re not-” 

“No, it’s fine, Jade. It was nice talking to you again.”

He hangs up the phone before tossing his phone to the side and rolling over, trying to will himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i think junior year's gonna end up w three sections rather than two like the others? i doubt anyone cares that much but i thought i'd let yall know anyways lmao.


	6. junior year, winter

A chiming started from her laptop’s speakers. Jade looked up from her textbook in confusion; Who the hell would be calling at 12 am? Especially without texting to let her know first.

Of course it was Tori. 

Would it be too mean to ignore her? After all, Jade had ended up spending much of her time over the summer with Tori and they technically weren’t  _ not  _ friends. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to Tori, it was just late and Jade was tired. She groaned in exhaustion before hitting accept on the call.

“You know, time zones are a thing.” She said as a greeting, “I know it’s only 9 pm back there but over here it’s 12 in the morning.”

“Sorry!” Tori apologized, wincing as she realized what time it was for Jade, “Did I wake you up?”

“Nah you’re fine, I’m messing with you, Vega.” She smirked, “I got a test on Monday and I’m studying for it now so you’re not interrupting anything.”

“Okay great!” The other girl beamed, “Are Cat and Robbie there right now?”   
  
“Uh, I think Cat has a costume department meeting for our next show and Robbie went to sleep around two hours ago, I can wake him up if you need him though.”

“No, it’s fine, I just really needed to tell at least one of you guys.” Tori reassured.

Jade had no idea what was going on. Tori seemed to want to say something badly but wasn’t for whatever reason.

“Okay, then what’s up? Why’d you call?” She asked blankly.

“Oh, right. First, I have a question for you,” Tori said as Jade groaned, urging Tori to get to the point, “Do you guys have plans for spring break yet? I know Robbie said he wanted to visit home again but I think you and Cat weren’t sure if you wanted to stay there or not.”

Jade hadn’t thought about her spring break plans in a while. She had kinda assumed that she’d be staying in New York for the most part, she hadn’t thought about travelling. Summer vacation was different, it was a longer break, it made sense to go back home, but spring break? Spring break wasn’t as long, would it even be worth travelling? Clearly, Tori was hoping that the three of them would be going home, but why? They had almost a month left until spring break, why would Tori be asking this far away? 

“Why are you asking?” Jade eyed her suspiciously.

“Answer my question first,” Tori insisted, “Do you have plans already or not?”   
  
Rolling her eyes, she responded, “I mean, we hadn’t really talked about it, but I’m pretty sure Cat and I don’t have plans.”

“Okay, good, so then you’re free then?”   
  
“Yes, Tori, that’s normally what it means when people don’t have plans.”

“Well if you’re free you guys should come here for break and see me in my new show!” She said excitedly, “And Andre’s doing the music, so you’d be supporting him too!”

“Is there something special about this show?” Jade questioned, after all, both of them had been in shows in the past few years, but they’d never asked the other to attend.

“No, I just thought it would be fun since we’re all on spring break. You guys could come see me in my show and hang out with us too! It was so much fun this summer, I miss you guys!”

Jade gave her a weird look, “So that’s it? You just want us to visit over spring break and see you in your show?” She was suspicious, but she didn’t know why.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it.” Tori nodded earnestly, “I just didn’t feel like typing all that out so I called instead of texting. I gotta go now, but please think about it and tell Cat and Robbie! We miss you guys so much!” She adds before hanging up.

Jade can’t help but feel weird about the entire situation. She had to admit, she kinda did want to go back to LA for spring break, and the summer  _ had  _ been fun. It probably wouldn’t hurt to go, and it  _ would _ be fun. Robbie had already said that he had wanted to go back over break, what difference would it make if she and Cat came along as well?

* * *

“Are you sure you guys want to come too?” Robbie asked later, over their dinner of chinese takeout.

“Yeah, sure why not? It’ll be fun, it’s been a while since we’ve seen them anyway.” Jade shrugged.

“I think we should totally go, we’d actually get to see Tori in a show this time!” Cat chimed in.

“Well that settles it then!” Jade concluded, ready to put the conversation aside, “We’re going back to LA this spring. Also we need to buy our tickets by next week so, everyone keep your eyes open.” 

“You’re actually going? I didn’t think you would.” Robbie admitted.

“Your meaning?” She responded, raising a brow.

“Nothing, I just didn’t think you’d be open to going back so often now that Beck’s actually there.” 

Cat stomped on his foot under the table, shooting him a warning look as Robbie winced in pain. Jade’s shoulders tensed in response.

Lifting her head in defiance, she met his eyes, “You can’t seriously believe that Beck’s going to stop me from going home and hanging out with my friends.” She scoffed.

“No, I just figured since he’s actually in town and he’ll definitely be there too that you might not want to go.” He said, sounding slightly scared. Good.   
  
“Beck and I broke up almost a year ago, guys. That doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends. All of us stayed friends in high school even when we broke up and we managed to keep things from being awkward. We should be able to do it this time too.”

“Well…” Cat said softly. “He’s kinda got a point, you know…”

“Oh come on! You can’t possibly think that Beck and I are going to be  _ that  _ bad. I’ve moved on, you know that! And I’m sure Beck’s moved on too! It’ll be fine!”

The other two stayed silent, avoiding her eyes.

“Guys!” She insisted, scoffing, “I promise, this time it’ll be fine. We’re adults now, I’m sure we can be mature and be nice.”

Robbie shot her a doubtful look, “You don’t mean that.”

“Well, yeah. But I still wanna go to LA so… A girl’s gotta say what a girl’s gotta say.” She shrugged, “Besides. If we’re all hanging out together, I won’t even have to talk to Beck that much. Please don’t make this the reason we don’t go, we deserve something nice for once!”   
  
Cat smiled again, reassuring her, “We’ll still go with you, Jadey, don’t worry.”

Jade smiled softly. She and Beck had never had the best track record when it came to keeping things civil, they all knew this. But this time could be different for them. She hadn’t spoken to him in ages, but from what she could remember, that phone call hadn’t been too bad. She hadn’t told anyone else about it though. Not because she didn’t want them to know she had been able to have a good conversation with Beck, she just didn’t want everyone knowing for whatever reason. 

It felt like such a private moment, they technically hadn’t  _ done  _ anything besides just talking, and yet it still felt weird to tell anyone about it.


	7. junior year, spring

Jade yawned as she walked through the doors to the theatre. She, along with Cat and Robbie, had only arrived back in Los Angeles the night before and they were still exhausted from the plane trip. This morning was the opening of Tori’s show and they’d finally be meeting up with the rest of their friends. Jade found it ironic that they’d flown all the way from New York just to go to a different campus, but she supposed that was the entire point of their trip.

“Where’s Beck?” Cat asked, peeking through the audience once they’d bought their tickets and had started to find their seats.

“I’m not sure,” Jade shrugged, “I didn’t text him before getting here, I figured one of you would.”

There had been a lack of planning for the most part. They knew they were seeing Tori and Andre’s show and that they’d be staying for the rest of their break but that was pretty much it. They hadn’t made any other concrete plans. The three of them settled in their seats as the lights began to dim. They still hadn’t found Beck but it was too late now, they’d have to settle for seeing him later.

* * *

Whatever Jade had told herself earlier about not being nervous seeing Beck again had flown out the window almost immediately after the show. Jade soon found that it was easy to assure herself of her own confidence when situations were hypothetical, but all the planning in the world wouldn’t be able to prepare her for reality.

Jade felt a slight anxiety building up, despite the fact that they hadn’t even found their friends yet. But she knew it was swiftly approaching, and the more it came closer to reality, the worse it felt. She recalled what she had insisted when Cat and Robbie questioned if she would be able to exist in the same circle as Beck and immediately saw the irony. She cursed Past Jade for having so much confidence in herself and for putting her in this situation.

 _I really should know myself better by now_ , Jade thought, feeling irrationally upset at herself for getting her into this.

But it was for her friends, she justified. Besides. How was she ever going to be able to be friends with him if she didn’t try? All good things had to start somewhere. And if having to go through a few hours of awkwardness was all it took, then she’d be willing to endure it for the sake of the group. 

“Found him!” Cat sang, running ahead towards Beck before hugging him.

“Hey! Great to see you again!” He stepped back from the impact but seemed genuine nonetheless.

Robbie soon followed behind Cat, greeting Beck with a quick hug of his own.

“It’s been too long!” Beck turned slightly, seeing Jade catching up behind the other two who had sped ahead. He seemingly, unconsciously straightened up, the easy smile on his face falling slightly, “Jade. Hi.” He said flatly, looking unsure what to do.

Not the reaction she had been hoping for, but then again, she didn’t really know how she wanted him to react.

Schooling a polite smile on her face, she joined her other two friends, “Hi, Beck.” She was proud of herself for having kept her voice as even as she had.

It was weird to see Beck look as unsure as he did. She had never really known Beck to be anything but confident and laid back. After almost a year of not seeing each other, they were both noticeably uncomfortable, something neither of them were used to. They had never been bad at talking to each other, it had always been as if conversation came naturally when it came to them. 

It had definitely been easier when it had been over the phone, and she had been drunk.

“So, Beck,” Robbie said, sensing the way the conversation had stiffened and desperate to make the tension disappear, “Have you seen Tori or Andre yet?”

“No, not yet. Tori’s probably getting changed out of her costume and Andre’s probably helping the rest of the band pack up their instruments.” He seemed relieved for the interruption, “But Andre’ll probably be down first.”

He then asks Cat a question and it’s not long before the three of them start conversing as if no time had passed. Somehow, Jade found herself feeling like an alien during all of this. It’s as if she’s inserted herself into a situation she doesn’t belong in, or like she’s a fly on the wall witnessing the conversation but not actually being a part of it. They don’t mean to exclude her, she could jump in at any time she wanted, but for whatever reason it felt wrong to her.

She’s grateful when Andre finally finds them, giving them all a hug and thanks for coming to see them. She tells him how incredible the music was, “Not gonna lie, I got lost in the music a couple of times. I mean, I knew you were good but I guess it’s been a while since I heard you play.”

Since when had it become easier to talk to Andre than Beck?

There was a squeal of happiness behind them and they all turned around to find Tori making her way to them. “You guys are here! You made it!” She said, hugging them all in her post-show high, “Did you like the show?”

“You were so good!” Cat chimed.

“I liked when it was finished.” Jade deadpanned. They knew she was kidding, Jade had never been one for sentiment.

Cat quickly roped Tori into a conversation about costumes. Andre and Robbie, who had always taken an interest in crew work, were soon roped in the conversation. Once again, Jade found herself isolated from the conversation. Well, her and Beck.

She paused slightly before deciding that small talk couldn’t hurt and turning towards him, “I never got the chance to properly congratulate you for your movie. I saw the trailer like a week ago, it looks really good. I’m proud of you.”

A small smile returned to his face once again, “Thanks, Jade, that uh- that means a lot to me. So, you guys are here for a whole week, yeah?”

“Yeah. Normally I’d never fly out here for such a short time, but Tori really wanted us to come so we figured we’d make the most of it and stay the full week.” 

He hummed in acknowledgement, “Ryder didn’t come along?”

She stared at him in confusion. “Sorry, what?” She wasn’t sure how or why Ryder had been brought into the conversation.

“I just thought that he’d want to come with you.”  
  
“Wait, what? Why would he go with me?” A look of confusion crossed her face.

“Well, I just figured that you guys would want to spend time together. Who wouldn’t want to spend time with their boyfriend over spring break?”  
  
“Oh-” She let out a gasp as the realization hit her and she remembered what had happened the last time they’d spoken, “No, uh, Ryder and I aren’t dating. He’s actually dating our other roommate, her name’s Rebecca. They both stayed in New York.”

He seems genuinely surprised at this, “Oh, I’m sorry, I just assumed-”  
  
“No, it’s fine, I just thought you should know.” She directed her gaze down at her feet, unwilling to look him in the eye.

They fell into an uncomfortable silence once again, before he breaks the silence again, “So. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. Not gonna lie, I kinda don’t know what to do anymore.” 

“I know, it really has,” She said, “But we can do this, I know we can.”

“Can we?” He asked jokingly, the discomfort lifting, almost immediately.

“Yeah! Of course we can! We’ve done it before, have some confidence in us.” She said, lightly punching him in the arm.

“Okay that settles it then. If you think we can do it, I’m right behind you. We got this.”

“You know,” She paused for effect, lifting a brow, “Robbie and Cat don’t think we can do it. Rather presumptuous of them, don’t you think?”

Giving her a look of mock-shock, he scoffed, “Well then, we’ll just have to prove them wrong won’t we?” Beck had always been one for a challenge, Jade had always known that.

“Glad to know you’re on board.” She said, smiling genuinely for the first time since they show had ended.

Suddenly, getting through spring break didn’t feel like such a challenge anymore. All her past assurances felt less crazy now that there was someone backing her up. Maybe this time she wouldn’t have to fake her way through like she had when they broke up in high school. Just because they didn’t work out, didn’t mean they weren’t good for each other. She couldn’t imagine erasing all that they had entrusted each other with. Maybe Beck was just the friend she needed.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For whatever reason I made an edit of Jade's instagram so here,, have that i guess?? Idk it was fun to make. Also okay Jade, I see you, keeping those pictures with Beck up after y'all broke up.
> 
> Okay so this was maybe not my strongest or favorite chapter that I've written, idk why it just didn't turn out as well as I had imagine. I really tried to go along with the story without this one but it didn't work as well, so even if I don't love the way I wrote this, it's still part of the story because it's pretty important for the setup. But my next few chapters should be better, promise. We have three chapters left and I'm so so excited for them, I really love this story so much and I'm honestly pretty proud of it.


	8. senior year, autumn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIGHT. So I was listening to the radio earlier and Hey There, Delilah came on and. WHY AM I JUST NOW REALIZING THAT IT’S THE PERFECT SONG FOR THIS FIC UNIVERSE. I really named this fic after party tattoos (which still fits the vibe i’m going for, love u dodie xoxo) when Hey There, Delilah was RIGHT THERE. Sometimes I baffle myself. This serves no other reason other than me kicking myself for not realizing it earlier. Okay bye have fun with this chapter xoxo.

“Are you excited to be back?” Beck asked, grinning at her through the screen.

“I was just there!” She laughed disbelievingly, “It’s only been like, two months, it’s like I’ve barely even left.”

“Yeah, but you miss me so it feels longer.”

“You know, I don’t remember  _ ever _ saying that I missed you.” She scoffed, giving him look.

“Just because you didn’t say it, doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

“You’re the worst.” She said, but there’s no venom behind her words. “Maybe I shouldn’t go and leave you with Cat and Robbie just to prove a point to you.”

“You won’t, though.” He teased.

“Oh yeah?” She challenged, a brow lifting in defiance, “And how do you know?”

“Because I know you.” He said simply, “And I know that you’d never miss something as big as a movie premiere.”

“I knew this movie gave you too much power!” She groaned, falling back into her chair, “You can’t keep using this premiere as bait, you know. I’ll develop an immunity one these days if you keep it up.”

“I’m not wrong though! I know you, you’d never say no to an event this big, especially if you were getting in free.” A triumphant smile crossed his face, causing Jade to roll her eyes for what feels like the hundredth time during this call.

“You can be right while still being an asshole.”

“Well duh, I know that. But at least I’m an asshole who’s right.” He laughed, giving her a pointed look.

“See, I knew it. The fame’s already getting to your head.” She shook her head in mock-remorse, “Soon you’re going to be a big Hollywood hotshot, and who knows what that’ll do to your ego.”

“I’m hurt you would say that.” He said, feigning offense.

“Well soon enough you’ll be getting a shit ton of money from it, I’m sure you’ll survive.”

“Listen. If I ever become one of those annoying Hollywood types you’ve gotta yell at me until I’m right in the head again.”

Technically he was already an annoying Hollywood type, and she could’ve told him as much, but decided against it in favor of bringing the conversation back to its original topic.

“Ugh fine, I promise. As long as you promise that you’ll remember to pick us up from the airport.”

“You know I won’t forget.”   
  
“Right, but I like reminding you just in case.” She smiled lightly. “This is big for you, I’m excited to be there. I even bought a new dress and everything”

“Well it means a lot to me that you’re coming. And that you bought a new dress.” He said in the same light tone she’s used to hearing from him.

Beck’s movie would be premiering in a few months and while Jade, Cat, and Robbie had always intended to see it, Beck had insisted that they come to the premiere as well. She would’ve said no seeing as the premiere was only four days after exams. But Cat had found a flight the day after their last exam and while it was cutting it close, they still decided to make the trip. After all, they had flown out to support Tori and Andre, why not support Beck in something as big as this?

Glancing at the clock, she turned back to him, “Right, I gotta go to rehearsals, I’ll talk to you later though.”

He seems upset by the fact, but secedes anyway, “If you have to, then you have to. See you soon.” He said before signing off.

* * *

“I can’t believe you guys are really flying out to LA  _ again _ to support a guy who won’t even come here for your show.” Rebecca later said when they’re out for dinner.

“Yeah but I think playing Maureen in a college production of Rent is significantly different than starring in a huge movie that’s predicted to be a hit.” She smirked.

“How excited are you guys though? I’m excited and I’m not even going. I’ve never even met the guy!”

“I’m already packed,” Robbie admitted, shrugging, “I’m honestly really happy for Beck, this is something he’s wanted for a really long time.”   
  
“Not gonna lie, I was really scared the movie was gonna suck, but the trailer looks really good.” Cat said.

“I’m honestly pretty nervous.” Jade said simply, staring ahead.

“Nervous?” Rebecca looked at her confused, “You’re going to a premiere, what’s there to be nervous about? It’s not like it’s  _ your _ movie either.”

“She’s nervous because she has to walk down the carpet with him.” Cat sang with a knowing smile on her face.

“Oh shit, what?” Rebecca gasped, “This is news to me, I didn’t know you were back together with him?”

“We’re not!” Jade insisted, throwing her hands in the air.

“Yeah they’re ‘friends’ but he’ll still ask her to be his date for a huge premiere,” Robbie laughed.

“We  _ are  _ just friends!” Jade groaned, exasperated, “I don’t know why you keep doing this. We’re not even together. You guys didn’t think we could be friends and now look at us. We proved you wrong and now you’re mad so you’re making things seem bigger than they really are.”

“I don’t know, Jade. A date kinda sounds like you’re back together to me.” Rebecca teased.

“It’s not a date! Robbie, I’m going to kill you!” She grumbled, burying her head in her hands, “Beck and I are  _ just friends _ . And we’re totally crushing the friend game. To be honest, I think this is working better than either of us thought it would. Dating didn’t work out, but hey, maybe we were meant to be best friends from the very beginning.”

The other three exchanged looks that did nothing to ease Jade’s already on edge nerves.

“Yeah but you’re basically da-” Cat started before Robbie obviously kicked her from under the table. He shot her a sharp look and she dropped it almost immediately.

“Oh come on, you’re doing this now?” Jade scoffed, “We’re adults, we can address things now. So let me set the record straight. Beck and I are friends. Cat and Robbie both know that over spring break we decided that we’d actually make friendship work for us and over the summer we were  _ fine _ . May I remind everyone that  _ all  _ of our friends are going to the premiere. I’m walking with Beck because he  _ asked me to _ , but that doesn’t mean that we’re dating again.” She says firmly.

They still wore disbelieving looks on their faces and Jade felt her stomach churn. She hated that they didn’t believe her. They could believe whatever they wanted to, but to tell her that? The only people who had the right to say anything were her and Beck. The three of them didn’t even know the full story. They didn’t know what she knew. 

They didn’t know what had actually happened.

But if they knew, would that have changed anything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh damn. What's our girl hiding?? Ngl I wrote this chapter pretty quickly but oh well? The next chapter is my fave on in the story, I'm so excited to get to it- shit goes DOWN.


	9. senior year, winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for how long it took for this chapter to get out, but this is the longest one i've ever written and a lotta shit happens so! pls enjoy lmao, i worked hella hard on this one

“You ready to go?” He asked, turning around to look at her.

“No.” She deadpanned.

“Oh come on, you’ll be fine!” He tugged lightly on her arm, “What do you even have to be scared of?”

“I don’t know!” Jade said defensively, “I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of all these people.”

“Since when do you care what other people think about you though?”

“Why do I have to do it?” She deflected, “Can’t you get someone else? I’m sure Cat or Tori would want to do it! I can even call them right now, look-” She turned around, searching for the rest of the group.

“Hey, you promised me you’d do this.” He said, turning her back around, “Besides, it’ll be fun! I’ll be right beside you.”

She gave him a final pleading look, “Okay  _ fine _ . But I still don’t get why I’m getting singled out here, you know the rest of them love attention.”

He gave her an amused look, “You’re being dramatic, it won’t be that bad. The Jade I know would never let fear get in the way of doing something fun. If you could move your entire life across the country for a better opportunity, you can walk down a carpet with me.”

She softened, “Well, a lot of things have changed,” She huffed only half-joking, “I really need to start thinking before I promise you things.”

Beck let out a short laugh before grabbing her hand and pulling her closer to himself. Her nerves subsided as he gave her an assuring smile, “We got this, Jade.” He murmurs softly into her ear.

He ends up being right, the whole carpet walking thing hadn’t been that bad. Jade had never been one to shy away from a camera so she supposed this had been no different. Besides, it had been easy with Beck whispering jokes into her ear the entire time.

“Stop making me laugh,” She warned in a hushed tone, “These pictures are gonna end up gross if you keep it up.”   


“Fine,” He said, pausing to let them adjust their stance, “But now you have to listen to the rest of these during the actual movie.”

She bit her lip, hitting him on the arm lightly, “You really are the worst, huh?”

“You’ll survive somehow.”

* * *

When had she allowed herself to become close with Beck again? She found herself thinking. Since when had she decided that whatever bitterness she felt wasn’t worth being alone? Since when had being alone gotten hard? 

Since the spring, the two of them, in clear defiance of Cat and Robbie, had jumped straight into their new-found friendship. She had known that they were both all or nothing when it came to things, and apparently that had held true with friendships formed to prove friends wrong. 

They hadn’t skipped a beat that summer either, the awkwardness of their first meeting during spring break hadn’t been repeated. The second they’d landed back in Los Angeles they were back to being Beck&Jade, a singular unit once again. They were the support each other needed, just like they always had. Neither of them could deny that they understood each other better than the others. But this time it had been different. They had made it explicitly clear that this time friends meant just that. Just friends. It was as if they had never broken up, as if they never even dated in the first place.

Well, there had been one exception. But she’d made sure they had cleared it up by the time she’d left at the end of the summer.

After what felt like an eternity of getting pictures taken, Cat had found them first, bounding up to them while bombarding them with questions, “How was it? Were the photographers nice? Was it fun?”   
  
Jade was grateful for the deflection, taking her out of her thoughts, “It was fine.” She said dryly, keeping her cool.

Beck gave her an incredulous look, “What she  _ means  _ to say is that it was incredibly fun. None of the photographers really talked to us, but at least they didn’t push us or whatever,” he grinned.

It wasn’t until Tori walked over and gave them a mildly surprised look that Jade realized that Beck’s arm was still wrapped around her waist from earlier. She moved to fix the strap on her heel, using it as an excuse to remove herself from the position that was apparently world shattering to Tori. What did it matter to her? It wasn’t like it actually meant anything. Tori wasn’t dating Beck, she couldn’t get mad at Jade.

“What’s with the face, Vega?” Jade shot with more venom in her voice than she had in the past four years, “You look like you just saw a ghost.”

If she wanted to make it her business, Jade would let her.

“Huh? Nothing! I was just confused because…” Tori trailed off and looked to the other three for help. Jade narrowed her eyes at the other girl, tilting her head in defiance. She wasn’t sure why she reacted so defensively, but it felt like something had been switched on inside her.

_ Do it, you damn coward, _ she silently challenged Tori in her head,  _ I dare you, either say something or else mind your fucking business. _

“So, Beck!” Cat chimed in, willing the tension away, “When does this movie actually start?”

“It shouldn’t be too long from now,” He said but his eyes still watched Jade as she silently glared daggers at Tori.

Beck subtly nudged Jade’s shoulder, breaking her stare. “You good?” He asked. He clearly hadn’t seen the look Tori gave them.

She tore her glare from Tori and shook her head slightly, “Yeah, totally.” She said flatly.

She wasn’t going to make a scene right then. Not when this event meant so much to Beck. Jade silently backed down, no longer daring Tori to pick a fight with her. She schooled her expression back into a hostile passivity, but in her own head she silently waged war on anyone and anything that crossed her mind.

Who did Tori think she was? What was that look supposed to mean? People like her were always reading into things and making them out to be more than they needed to be. And it wasn’t just Tori. Cat and Robbie were always meddling too. Couldn’t their friends just mind their own businesses for once? What was the point of inserting themselves into her and Beck’s friendship? It was their lives, not their friends’. Yes, she probably wouldn’t be friends with Beck if they hadn’t been set on proving Cat and Robbie wrong. 

But that didn’t mean their friends could insert themselves into every single thing. Surely it wasn’t too hard to understand that she and Beck had been able to work everything out and be just friends,

* * *

Jade had always known that Beck was talented; that much had always been apparent to her. But it was strange to see others start to realize it. It wasn’t a bad thing necessarily, she knew that starring in a movie meant that people would start paying attention to him, but it was still strange to watch it pan out right in front of her. After all, to her he was still the same Beck that she’d known for what felt like forever. So much had changed in their lives, but it had never really felt like that to Jade. The entire premier thing weirdly reminded her of high school. Not that they’d ever done anything like this in high school, but something about it all just felt so nostalgic.

“So? What did you think?” He asked, as soon as the lights in the theatre come back up.

She gave him a sincere smile, “You’re wonderful.” She said simply.

His smile widened and he ducked his head, “So I take that it wasn’t completely terrible, then?”

“Did you think it would be?” She scoffed disbelievingly. She smiled softly, despite herself, “Beck, that was incredible, I’m honestly so proud of you. You really did it.”   
  
Before she could finish she got interrupted by the rest of their friends crowding around, giving their own praises and congratulations. Jade stepped back, making room for the others, only slightly annoyed at the interjection. 

But she couldn’t blame them either, the movie was going to be a success, she could already tell. Audiences would eat it up and she could practically see all the rave reviews. She had always known that Beck would do incredible things, but none of it had actually felt real until then.

If this had been a year ago, maybe she would have been bitter about all of this. She felt guilty thinking about it but if she was being honest, she wouldn’t have felt as happy for him if they hadn’t worked out their differences. But Beck had been in her life for the longest time and it would’ve been shitty if it was all thrown away. Despite what everyone thought, she genuinely had no hard feelings towards him. For now she was fine with this. Maybe she was crazy, but Beck had seemed genuinely happy that she had showed up and that they were back on good terms. 

She could never deprive him of that.

* * *

She sipped at her beer, quietly accompanying herself. All her friends had wandered off, leaving her alone. She didn’t know anyone else there, but that didn’t bother her, starting a conversation was stressful and the lack of company didn’t bother her too much.

“Hey you waiting for someone?” A familiar voice said from behind her, “Or can I steal you for a sec?

She turned to find Beck grinning down at her again. “I’ve been alone for the past half hour, go right ahead.”

“Awesome, let’s get out of here,” He grabbed her hand and started weaving through all the people.

“Out of here?” She ducked to keep up with him, “Where are we going?”

“Not sure yet, it’s just too loud in here for us to actually talk.”

Beck soon spotted an empty balcony and began leading her towards the door. The cool winter air struck against her skin like a billion chains.

She turned expectantly towards him, “So, what’s up?”

“I don’t know to be honest,” He shrugged, “I kinda got bored so I decided to come find you.”

“You got bored?” She gave him a look of disbelief, “Beck, I’m pretty sure that you could go up to literally anyone here and they’d be tripping over themselves to talk to you.”

“Yeah, but they’re not you.” He gave her a soft look that left her feeling unsure of what to do.

She narrowed her eyes, forcing the smile threatening to break out on her face down. Leaning back on the railing, she took another sip from her beer, “Don’t get all soft on me now,” she snorted, “you know I hate feeling happy.”

He ducked his head, scoffing lightly, “You know, I’ve missed you.”

She gave him an amused look, “Yeah, you told me that already. Cat and I were just talking about how we don’t see each other enough. But also my wallet can’t take this many flights. You guys should do the flying out next time, it’s unfair that we do all the travelling.”

She opened her mouth to continue but stopped when she turned and saw him. There was something weirdly off about him. He seemed nervous. Nervous was never a thing he had been known to be. Nervous was never an emotion that had ever belonged to the two of them. She stopped talking almost immediately, turning to him with a questioning look.

“No, Jade, I missed you as in just you, not everyone else. Don’t get me wrong I love them too. But I meant more like, I missed  _ us. _ ” He said deliberately, as if he didn’t know how to say it.

The blood left her cheeks and she blanched immediately. She hadn’t even finished one beer that night, but it felt like everything was rushing to her head. Surely he hadn’t meant to catch her off guard like this, but she couldn’t help but feel helpless. “Beck,” She said cautiously once his words sunk in, “I thought we talked about this.”

“I know.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, “But I- I just- I had to let you know.” He trailed off, staring at her desperately. 

She took a step back as if physical distance would do anything to diffuse the situation, “But we- We promised we were going to be friends…”   
  
“I thought I could do it.” He whispered hopelessly.

“Beck, I don’t know what to do with this. I don’t know what you want me to do, I don’t know what  _ I  _ want me to do.” Wrapping her arms around herself protectively, she exhaled dejectedly. “How long have you been keeping this from me?”

He could barely look at her, it was like he was as upset with himself as she was.

“I don’t know, Jade.” He said, sounding dissipated, “I don’t know if I can even say that I got over it in the first place. Look, you don’t have to do anything. I don’t expect you to feel the same, and I’m okay if you want to forget this ever happened and just stay friends. I just thought you deserved to know.”

There was too much going on for her to process. “Beck, I don’t even know what to do here. You mean so much to me. I just- I think I need some time to work through this.”

He nodded understandingly. 

She slowly walked back through the doors, leaving him on the balcony. She looked back at him, he stared back at her before she turned back around. She weaved her way through the hundreds of people not giving her a second thought. She needed to find Cat. Or another beer. Maybe both.

* * *

“What’s going on?” Tori asked, walking into the alcove next to the bathroom. “Why does Jade look like she’s about to cry?”

“Beck just told her he still loves her.” Cat whispered breathlessly, staring dead at the floor beneath her feet.

Tori gasped, eyes wide and took a seat next to Cat.

“I said I didn’t want everyone to know about it!” Jade hushed, pacing around the room on the verge of tears.

“You know that like half our friend group is in here.” Tori pointed out, “Andre’s the only one who doesn’t know and Beck’s probably going to tell him.”

“Well technically  _ you’re  _ not supposed to know either.” Jade objected.

“Too bad, I’m already here.” Tori insisted, “And I want to know everything.”

Jade covered her face with her hands, “I don’t even know where to start.”

“She told us that Beck said he misses her but she won’t tell us anything else.” Robbie told Tori.

“Because we  _ talked  _ about this already!” Jade groaned, “This wasn’t supposed to happen, we agreed that we’d be friends.”

“Talked about it?” Cat gave her a confused look.

“Yeah, over the summer. We- Something happened and we needed to talk about it.” She admitted, sighing, “I thought we were on the same page but. I guess not…”

“Wait, over the summer?” Robbie fixed her a skeptical look, “What do you mean?”

“Fine, but you all better keep your mouths shut.” She gave in, “ _ Something _ happened at that party we had at Tori’s on our last night. We were both pretty tipsy and we were by ourselves and...” She trailed off, hoping that they’d fill in the blanks by themselves.

The other three stared blankly at her, waiting for her to continue. She was going to have to say it but it was her fault for confiding in three of the most oblivious people she knew.

“Ugh, I hate you all, you have absolutely no deductive reasoning.” She groaned, “We kissed, but I swear that’s  _ all _ . We both got super freaked out after though. We even talked about everything that went wrong with us, I thought we were past it!”

Tori had the decency to look surprised. But when she looked over to Cat and Robbie, she was met with blank stares.

“What?” She spat at them, “If you’re going to look at me like that, at least say something!”

“I mean, Cat and I honestly figured you’d hooked up at least twice over the summer.” Robbie admitted, “Technically we were wrong but that’s nothing compared to what we thought.”

“What?” Tori asked, turning to Robbie, “I didn’t hear anything about this!” She turned back to Jade, “Besides, how do you even talk about something like that? I don’t think I’d ever be able to.”

“We just- We both decided that it was a mistake and agreed that we were better as friends.” She let out a low breath, biting her cheek. “Then we took some time to talk about our ‘relationship’ and we addressed what went wrong with everything. But I thought that meant we were past it! Like, we talked about it so we could get over it! I didn’t think that he was gonna tell me  _ that _ , I honestly thought we were  _ well  _ past that point.”

Cat gave her a confused look, “But he asked you on a date tonight.”   
  
“It wasn’t a date!” She shrieked, arms flailing wildly.

“Jade why are you this upset?” Robbie asked, “He said he was okay if you didn’t have feelings for him. You can still be friends with him, you don’t have to cut him off”

“Well there you go!” Tori said with a hint of finality, “If he’s fine with being friends, you can just put past you! You know Beck, he wouldn’t push it if you decided not to.”   


Jade crossed her arms defensively. Could they hear themselves? The lack of empathy from them shouldn’t have shocked her, they had never been good at understanding her thought process. “It’s not that simple. If I  _ could _ cut him off everything would be so much easier.” She blew a hair out of her face, leaning against the wall, “Just because he’s fine with nothing happening doesn’t mean that it’s all over.”

“What do you mean?” Cat asked.

“Think about it. It wouldn’t make everything right again. It wouldn’t take back what he said, I still heard him say it and I don’t know if I can pretend like I didn’t. Beck means a lot to me, he always has and he always will, but if I pretend like it never happened and we stay friends while he feels like that, wouldn’t I be making things worse? Everyone in high school always said that I was basically torturing him when we were dating, wouldn’t I be doing the same by staying friends with him when I know how he feels?”

Tori and Cat looked like they understood her at least a little bit. 

“You wouldn’t be torturing him, Jade. You know Beck would put your feelings and your friendship with him first.” Tori encouraged, “I’m sure he’d understand.”

She found it rather ironic that Tori was telling her this. Of course Tori would know that Beck wouldn’t push if she didn’t feel the same way. After all, hadn’t that been what happened when he’d tried to kiss her? But if Beck and Tori could still be friends after all that, couldn’t she do it too? Maybe if they could survive the worst of break ups, they could survive this. Just maybe though.

“You do want to be friends with him, right?” Cat asked.

“What do you mean?” Jade stared at her in confusion., of course she wanted to be friends with Beck. She’d spent the past half year being friends with him, did Cat think she was still trying to prove her wrong?

“I just think if you maybe still have feelings for him, you should maybe let him know.”

Jade was taken aback by this. She stood frozen in her spot, staring at Cat as if it would make her realize she had misheard all of a sudden.

“She makes a point, Jade.” Tori said, breaking Jade from her shock, “How  _ do  _ you feel about him?”

“I- I don’t know.” She admitted softly.

They meant well, she reminded herself, they thought they were helping, they had no idea what was going on in her head. They had no way of possibly knowing the guilt that was eating her up inside. Could she do that to Beck? Months ago she would have jumped at the opportunity of getting back together with him, but now it left her feeling lost. She had been so careful when they’d decided to be friends. No matter what happened, she’d make sure that they’d be friends and that she wouldn’t let herself get deluded into love again. But Beck deserved at least a chance at something. Whether that something was friendship or not, she wasn’t sure, but she knew she couldn’t cut him out of her life altogether. He didn’t deserve that, and maybe he really would be okay with just friends.

‘Do what feels right, do what your heart tells you to.’ they had told her. 

But how could she, when even she didn’t know how she felt?


	10. senior year, spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter y'all!!! I was gonna put off posting it until after christmas but I was too excited so here it is :) hope u enjoy

“So? How does it feel?” Beck asked for what felt like the thousandth time.

“I told you already!” She groaned into her phone, “Besides, you should know! You got it over with last week.”

“Yeah, but who cares about how  _ I _ feel?” He scoffed, “Tomorrow’s your graduation, I already went through it all. I wanna know how graduation-eve feels from you.”

She sighed patiently, before repeating the answer she’d given him time and time again, “I don’t feel any different, but I know I should. Everything changes from here on out but I don’t feel scared or anything. I should probably be at  _ least _ a little nervous, but I don’t think my brain’s come to terms with it yet.”

“Well if your brain catches up with reality any time soon, you can tell me.”

Beck’s flight had landed that morning. Jade hadn’t had the chance to see him yet, but he’d be going to her graduation tomorrow. She would’ve gone to his but there was no way to justify a trip that short, so they’d had to make do with a congratulatory call and dozens of supportive comments on social media. Besides, she had done most of the flying out over the past four years, he could sacrifice making this one trip.

“Yeah right,” She snorted lightly, “As if you wouldn’t be pissed off at me for calling you at three am while having an existential crisis.”

“I’d never get mad at you for that,” He reassured, “I promised that I’d always be here for you, and that includes three am existential crises.”

Blood rushed to her head, and she could feel her neck getting warm. She coughed awkwardly as a feeling of guilt rose in her chest. How could he not realize how guilty the things he said made her feel sometimes, she wondered. He had taken rejection quite well in her opinion, but sometimes he would say things that reminded her that probably still felt the same.

She winced at the reminder that she’d stupidly told him she’d rather stay friends. She remembered that he hadn’t been angry at all, like she thought he might. From then he’d gone on like usual, and Jade found herself wondering if he’d even confessed his feelings at all or if she’d imagined the entire thing. Despite the fact that he never brought it up after that point, she still felt guilty.

In her defense, it wasn’t that she didn’t have feelings for him, she simply hadn’t sorted herself out in time. Once she’d established that yes, she cared for Beck as a friend, she’d rushed in a frenzy to tell him and had seemingly neglected the other aspects of their relationship. Like Beck had always said, they were more. They had always been more. Yes they were friends, but they were friends and more, always blurring the lines between friendship and something else. So while she did care for Beck as a friend, there was always that  _ and more _ hanging in the air, the unspoken agreement they’d formed years ago to always care for each other.

But she hadn’t realized that the  _ and more _ was even there until it was too late and she was back across the country. She hadn’t realized until one night, when he’d called her to say goodnight and she felt the familiar tug at her heart, catching herself almost saying ‘I love you’. She’d tried to tell her it was the fatigue, that she was tired and she’d only felt that way because of the familiarity it shared with memories of high school. But even Jade couldn’t lie to herself for that long.

By the time she’d given up on pretending, she let herself cry until her eyes stung and her lungs cracked with every breath she took. Cat had found her later that night and wouldn’t leave Jade alone until she told her what was wrong. In her rare state of emotional vulnerability, Jade broke down and spilled all her secrets to Cat, who simply told her to call Beck and tell him the truth. But she wouldn’t understand, Cat never did. How would it look if she’d rejected Beck but came crawling back the next week? She couldn’t do that, not after she’d pushed for ‘just friends’ not only twice, but thrice. It was unfair to him, she’d made her choice and she’d have to see it through.

But if Beck could continue to be a good friend to her after all the shit he’d gone through, she could withstand the dull ache that thrummed in her heart each time he called.

* * *

Graduation was a dull affair.

That was an unfair statement, she thought. But the entire thing seemed entirely too cruel in her opinion. For four years, college put students through mental and emotional torture just for a degree. And the ceremony to obtain said degree took entirely too long. They’d been waiting for four years, did they really have to sit through at least an hour just to get a damn piece of paper?

To make matters worse,  _ Shapiro, Robert  _ and  _ Valentine, Caterina _ both came before  _ West, Jadelyn _ , meaning that she’d be the last of her friends to walk. Jade had never had complaints about having a last name at the end of the alphabet, but at times like this, she’d do anything for a last name like  _ Allan, Courtney _ or  _ Burke, Louisa  _ had, just so she could get everything over with. 

She knew that graduating meant a lot, and she had a dull sort of pride about her the entire time. But all the pride in the world wouldn’t be able to take her impatience away. 

Nonetheless, she’d walked when her name was called. A faint cheering could be heard from an indistinguishable corner and she could make out a  _ “You go girl!” _ from Cat. A dull smile crossed her face as the realization sank in.

She’d done it. She’d actually done it.

Years ago, everything had seemed so far away. Years ago, she’d whispered promises to herself that if she could get through college, she could take on the world. And here she was, she’d gotten through college.

Now the world was next.

* * *

Once the ceremony concluded, she’d rushed to find the rest of her friends. After congratulations and awkward hugs from her family, she bolted into the sea of robed new graduates.

“Jade! We did it!” Cat squealed. The other girl had already found Robbie and Andre, and Jade could see Tori making her way towards them as well.

“I’m proud of you guys,” Andre said, giving Jade a quick hug, “I can’t believe we all made it.”

“Congrats guys! Welcome to the graduate club!” Tori chimed in, finally joining them, “You guys excited to finally be free from suffering?”   
  
“Speak for yourself, Vega,” Jade scoffed, “Sure we made it out, but now we have student loans to deal with and jobs to look for and shit.” She shuddered at the thought.

“You can deal with all of that tomorrow though,” A familiar voice said from behind her, “For now we can focus on the fact that you actually did it.”

She turned to find Beck making his way to the group. Jade gasped softly and found herself running towards him. She threw herself into his arms and was pleasantly surprised to learn that he had actually caught her rather than letting her hit the ground.

“Hi,” She laughed, smiling lightly at him, “I did it.”

“Yeah,” He said, looking up at her while mirroring her grin, “Yeah you did.” She realized by then that the rest of their friends were staring at them with expressions of equal parts amusement and confusion. But none of that mattered to her. After all, Beck and her had always been ‘ _ and more’ _ . 

They wouldn’t understand, but there was something about ‘ _ and more _ ’ that just couldn’t be put aside.

* * *

She’d found him later that night, well past midnight, all by himself, leaning against the wall of the bar they were meant to be celebrating at. He was staring into the neither cool, neither warm, open, night air that came with spring nights, the look on his face made him look as if he had all the answers to all the questions she could ever have. He looked so peaceful like this, she had to resist the urge to reach out and trace the lines of his face, illuminated by the moon and light from all the neon signs.

“You out here all alone?” She asked, settling into the spot next to him.

He turned to her, a content expression on his face, “Just thought I’d get some fresh air and some time to think.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, smirking at him, “So I’ve been doing some thinking.”

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the way he looked at her, but she felt a small boost of courage rush through her veins. She wasn’t sure when it had come to fruition, but she was done with missing opportunities. Taking risks was sometimes worth the feeling of free falling.

“Is this the existential crisis talk I was promised?” He asked.

“No... But I think we should come back to that another day.” She chuckled softly before settling her expression back down, “I was actually uh- Well, I was actually thinking about us.”

He had a weird sort of look on his face, as if he wasn’t sure how to take her words. “And what conclusions did you come to?” He asked carefully, Beck had always been deliberate. For the most part, she appreciated his delicacy when dealing with charged situations. Other times, it made things so much harder than she’d like.

This was other times.

“Before I tell you, you have to promise me that you’ll listen to everything. I know I go off a lot, but this is important to me. I mean it.” The words left her mouth faster than she’d meant to, leaving her with a deflated feeling in her lungs and a dizzy head.

He straightened up, turning to face her fully. He seemed to take time to fully process her words before nodding. “I’ll listen. I promise this time.” There was more to his words than she initially realized.  _ This time _ he promised.  _ This time _ I won’t brush you off.  _ This time _ I’ll make sure that you’re heard. 

She swallowed, exhaling deeply, feeling a lump form in her throat. Jade had never been one to cry. Angry, yes. Angry enough that it consumed every nerve in her body, burning a fire in her mind, releasing itself before she could control it. But crying? That was never Jade.

But this time came pretty close.

She wore a seasick sort of expression on her face. Hell, she even felt a little seasick if she was being honest. But seasick wasn’t too bad, she decided. Seasick meant that she cared enough to worry herself to that point. She clung to the seasick feeling that was rooting her to senses, but this time she wouldn’t ride out the waves. This time she was going straight into the eye of the storm. And in the end, no matter what happened, she’d end up triumphant because she actually  _ did something _ .

“I was lying to myself for the longest time, before you even knew me. But it was always hard to keep things from you.” She started off, ignoring how shaky her voice was coming out, “After we broke up, I was so mad at myself for letting you go. So when we started being friends again, I felt like I was making up for that. I felt like I had to hold onto you or else I’d disappoint everyone.”

He nodded but didn’t say anything. She waited to see if he’d speak up, but he seemed set on his promise and simply stood there wordlessly. 

“And then we kissed.” She continued, “I was so proud of us for moving past it, I thought for sure out friendship was over then. But it wasn’t, and I still got to have you in my life. Even though we weren’t together like that, we were still as strong as ever. It felt right. But I think part of me knew that we were ignoring how comfortable we’d gotten.”

She let out a shaky breath, ducking her head as if it would disperse the bubble of anxiety making its way up her neck in hot strands. But none of that mattered, he was still listening. She couldn’t leave him hanging. She promised him her thoughts, and her thoughts she’d give him.

“And then you told me that you loved me.” She bit the inside her cheek, daring to take a look at him. He had a far away look in his eyes and he looked more uncomfortable than he had all night. “I knew I loved you. But I couldn’t let myself. Because if I let myself have the chance to fall in love with you all over again, it meant that I was also giving myself the chance to you all over again. And I couldn’t lose you, not again, so I didn’t let myself fall in love with you. But it happened anyways and I had to let you know, just like you let me know. That’s all I had to say,” She concluded, “You can talk if you want but I get if you don’t even want to look at me right now. But yeah… I’ve missed you.”

“So what are you going to do about it?” He asked her, a smile playing on his lips, laughing lightly.

She let out a laugh of relief in response. Oh thank god he didn’t hate her.

Rushing forward, she crashed her lips to his, months of emotions that she’d denied herself coming through in bursts.

She’d caught him off guard, clearly. It took him a moment before he’d fully processed what had happened and wrapped his arms around her waist just like he always had.

When they finally broke apart, she smiled despite herself. She couldn’t help it, this was a different kind of happy. It wasn’t the passive, content kind that she hated. This was the all the consuming kind. Like anger, this kind forced itself out before she could catch it. She rested her head on his shoulder, stifling her smile, breathing in the scent that was just so  _ him _ .

Looking up at him, she knew she wasn’t the only one lost in overbearing emotions. His expression could only be described as  _ soft _ . Soft grin, soft gaze, soft grip on her waist.

“You love me again.” He let out a breathless sigh, looking at her in a way that made her feel as if she was being seen for the first time. As if she was a revelation, as if she was the long awaited answer to his most burning question.

“Who said I stopped?” She echoed back to him, a soft smile settling itself on her face.

“You know, everyone’s gonna freak out on us when they find out.” He said, his voice slightly more serious than it had been before.

She pressed him against the wall, kissing him again instead of responding. Because fuck them all. Who cared what they thought? They did it. They actually made it.

* * *

Years later, they’ll both wonder what they even had to worry about. They’ll look back and laugh at their past selves. Turns out they’d had it right the first time; Once they got through college, they had nothing to worry about. They were always meant find each other, no matter how much work it took. Yes, it had taken them what felt like an eternity to figure it out, but they’d done it eventually.

After all, it was all trivial in the grand scheme of everything.

In the end, she was still Jade.

In the end, he was still Beck.

In the end, they were still them.

In the end, they were still the ones who stuck by each other and decided to make it work.

And that was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh i can't believe it's finally done :(( this fic has been my Literal Baby for the past month, and I'm lowkey proud of it (and myself ofc).
> 
> I also figured I give a couple of alternate endings or whatever:  
> \- i originally planned on having this end with Beck telling Jade he still loved her on the night of graduation rather than at the premiere. It would've carried on from then and she'd ultimately decide that she didn't want to lose him as a friend. But then months later, he has a job in New York and they decide to try and make it work. (I tried writing it a couple of times, but it just wasn't as strong as I would've liked)  
> \- I was also going to have Beck/Jade dating someone else but it was so secondary that it was weakening the story  
> \- also in my mind I'd like to think that Beck still gets a job in New York and they get to live their best lives out bc I would die for Bade and I could never let anything bad ever happen to them


End file.
